A van Gogh Art Heist Tops This Week’s Internet News Roundup

During the last week, the world passed a gruesome milestone: More than 1 million people have now tested positive for the coronavirus. Countless others are out there undetected or undiagnosed. As a record 6.6 million people file for unemployment in the US, a sign of the destruction brought by the pandemic beyond simply the sickness, you might be wondering how bad things are going to get. The answer, worryingly, may be “really bad,” especially because Americans didn’t stay at home like they were told to. Good job, everyone. Still. At least Dolly Parton continues to be the best.

Coronavirus has started to impact celebrities in ways beyond just events being canceled or Tom Hanks being trapped in Australia. (He’s back now, by the way.) British comedian Eddie Large died from Covid-19-related complications, as did US musician Adam Schlesinger, whose work you’ve enjoyed whether you were a fan of Fountains of Wayne, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, or the movie Josie and the Pussycats. (Those who remember That Thing You Do, yes, that was him, too.) It is, sadly, likely just the start of a trend that will continue for some time.

With all this going on, it almost feels churlish to ask what people are talking about. They’re talking about coronavirus, of course. That’s not to say that there weren’t other topics of conversation online, but there’s been a lot less chatter about, say, Lindsay Lohan’s musical comeback, or the Barefoot Contessa’s giant cocktails than you might expect. What have people been talking about this week? Well, this.

I’m Not Saying a Month Can Be Haunted, but Let’s Appreciate That It’s Not March Anymore, Agreed?

What Happened: Take a minute and appreciate this small, but important, fact: March is over.

What Really Happened: Let’s start things off, unusually for once, with some good news. Just take a look at the calendar: It’s April. It really is. We made it, even though March felt like one of the longest months in recent memory. As it neared its end, many couldn’t quite bring themselves to believe it could really happen.

The increasingly popular meme quickly spread throughout an internet impatient for an increasingly crappy month to just end already. Things were slightly complicated by the fact that March actually was longer than people expected, thanks to the last day that everyone forgets every single year. (Well, aside from those with March 31 birthdays, presumably.)

In fact, March—a month in which basically everything, including life as we knew it, was canceled in response to a global pandemic that decimated everything, including the economy—felt so cursed and immortal that some really couldn’t bring themselves to think it could actually end. After all, we’ve all seen those horror movies where the villain seems to be dead before making an “unexpected” comeback, right?

But now, here we are in a new month and everything is going to be … better?

… Dammit.

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